Today's topic
Today on A.Vogel Talks Menopause, I'm answering the question "Will my libido ever come back?"
This is a question I am asked often. The problem with loss of libido is that it's different for every single woman and there is no quick fix, there is no easy answer for this one, unfortunately. But there are things you can do to help yourself.
How does menopause affect your libido?
The first and probably most important thing is to understand why this is happening, and then it makes it easier to sort it if this is what you wish to do.
Hormonal causes
The main cause is falling oestrogen and testosterone. Lowering oestrogen and testosterone can affect your ability to be aroused, causing you to completely miss out on the arousal phase, which helps to get you in the mood.
Falling oestrogen can also cause things like vaginal dryness and soreness. So, if you are not even feeling like it to start with and you're also getting a lot of vaginal discomfort, then the last thing on your mind is going to be sex.
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Fatigue
Other things that can compound the problem is fatigue. If you're having poor sleep, if you're tired all the time, you're not going to have the energy for sex, let alone the desire for it. You're just going to be too tired. And a lot of women tell me that come night-time, all they want to do is go to bed and sleep, never mind anything else.
Stress, anxiety, and mood
Feeling stressed or anxious, two common symptoms of menopause, is also not the best emotional state to be in to feel sexy. Low mood or mood swings can also cause relationship problems. If you're getting annoyed and irritated with your partner, again, the last thing you're going to be thinking about is having loving feelings towards them.
Body changes
Our bodies go through many changes as we approach menopause, which may make us feel very self-conscious about being naked in front of our partners.
Weight gain, hair loss and skin changes such as dry and sagging skin can all have an impact on our body image, causing our self-confidence to completely disappear at this point. We can feel extremely unattractive, even if our partner is telling us the complete opposite. We just don't believe them.
Does libido return after menopause?
It can be very difficult to understand that this is not something that's going to come back, straight after the menopause on its own. Now, very often, it will happen and it can be due to the fact that we reach a new norm.
We have to accept our body, our feelings, and where we are in our lives now, not how it used to be. There are things that you can do to help yourself adjust to these changes. Accepting them and being happy in the new you, can make a real difference to how you feel on an emotional level.
First, tackle the pain!
If you are experiencing vaginal dryness or soreness, you can look at supplements such as the Sea Buckthorn. Remember the water as well. This is important for just about everything, but in this situation is especially important to help keep the mucous membranes of the vagina moist.
Address the emotional issues
You can need to sort out the emotional issues as well, and that can be very difficult. I can say, "Talk to your partner. Get them to understand why you don't feel like having sex regularly.", but that can be one of the most difficult things that you do, and if you're feeling low and emotionally vulnerable, then trying to put these things into words can be very, very difficult.
But it is important to try and communicate how you feel because very often, our partners don't understand what's going on with us. And they think that every no is a rejection of them, whereas this is coming from the part of you that's just not interested in anything like that at the moment.
So, if you can't talk to your partner, then write things down and give that to them. Sometimes, writing things down can make you focus on them and make it easier for yourself to express how you are feeling. And, it may give them a little bit of time and space to read through what's going on with you. Sometimes, that can have quite a positive impact on relationships.
Boost your energy
If you're low in energy, then it's really important to have your relaxing "me" time. If you're fatigued all the time, please check with your doctor in case there are underlying health issues. Also, check your diet. Make sure that you're feeding your body well so that there's extra for all these other things that you may wish to do.
Slow down & date again
Making time for your partner is also important. As menopausal women, we can be so busy. It can be the busiest time of our lives and then we're still trying to fit other things in as well. Some women do tell me that organising a weekly date night with their partner puts things back into perspective.
And anticipation is a huge part of the build-up to sex. Having something to look forward to at the end of the week, instead of being expected to jump straight into bed on the spot, can often help to get the libido going again, too.
Helpful herbs
You can also look at certain herbs that can be helpful for the libido. They are not a magic fix, but sometimes, they can help to balance everything that little bit better.
So herbs such as maca and ginseng can sometimes help in this situation. If the flushes and sweats are bothering you, there is sage. If you are needing to get a good night's sleep, if it's the fatigue, there are wonderful herbs such as valerian and hops that can help to give you a much better night's sleep and help your energy levels the next day.
If anxiety and mood swings are problems, then the herb Avena sativa which is found in our AvenaCalm can be useful.
I hope this has helped. It's such a difficult subject to address, as it is such a complex subject and each one of you will experience it differently.
If you have got really good tips, is there something you've done that's put the oomph back into your love life? We would love to hear about it, and please share it in the comment section below.
Until next time, take care.
