Stress and anxiety in perimenopause and menopause
Stress and anxiety are probably two of the most common symptoms of menopause, and most women will experience them to some degree, at some point along the way.
So, it’s important to understand how stress and anxiety can affect you. One of the main ways is that your nervous system just struggles with absolutely everything, and you may find that things that just didn't focus on your radar years ago, now cause you a lot of anxiety and stress.
You may find that you worry about things a lot more. You may find that your threshold for anxiety is much lower, so you get stressed with things more easily than you used to. You may find you're getting more impatient; you're getting panic attacks; and you're getting palpitations as well.
We know too that, because of our stress response, we tend to cope less well. And this can also happen when other people around us are getting stressed, and that can affect us in lots of different ways without us realising what's going on.
What is secondhand stress?
This is when other people in our own environment are stressed in some way themselves, but that stress, in effect, transfers itself onto us.
Our bodies are hardwired to protect us, so our body constantly keeps an eye on potential dangers that might be around. Now, in millennia gone by, it would be wild animals and maybe other people coming to threaten us. But today, our stress levels are very different: we're more stressed with day-to-day life. But our nervous system still responds in exactly the same way.
So, if it hears a raised voice, or you get the feeling of someone being a lot more impatient, or somebody shouting at you, your brain goes into survival mode and that survival mode triggers the flight or fight response. Your body thinks there's an immediate threat, so you go into what’s almost a panic mode yourself. You can get the palpitations, you can get the shallow, swift breathing, and then you're wondering, "What on earth is going on? I've just had a panic attack," and there's nothing that you can see that accounts for this.
Where secondhand stress can come from?
One of the most common situations that people tell me about is to do with work. If you're in an environment where other colleagues are stressed, maybe you've got a demanding boss, maybe you've got someone that's shouting at you, maybe there's a lot of busy-ness going on, and you may be struggling to keep up, then you can pick up on that flight or fight mode from the colleagues around you.
It could even be simple things like if you're in a supermarket queue and somebody behind you is just huffing and puffing, and suddenly you can feel yourself going into a defensive mode, even though you don't know that person behind you. You can feel their anger and their impatience, and you immediately tighten up too. So, you're going into that survival mode just because someone else is maybe in a little bit of a rush.
It can be your family - this is a very common one with all the different dynamics that are going on if other people in the family are stressed. If friends are stressed, this can affect you too. Very often, as women, we are the listening post for other people. So, other people can dump their problems onto us, and we then end up picking up their stress and anxiety.
And one of the worst things, unfortunately, is for those of you that have teenagers. These teenagers going through puberty, with all the hormonal angst that’s creating, and you're going through the same thing in a way yourself.
Obviously, a lot of tension can build up. And interestingly, A.Vogel did a survey on stress, and they found that 3 in 10 parents were more stressed than their teenagers when their teenagers were doing exams. So, you become more worried about what's going on with your family even if they're not as worried as you are.
Are you Menopausal? Need help with your symptoms? Try our Menopause Symptom Checker.
Answer 3 question to find out if you could be menopausal and get personalised tips and advice straight to your inbox based on your results.
What can you do to cope better with secondhand stress?
Secondhand stress can sometimes be a minor trigger for the person concerned, but you're picking it up and magnifying it yourself. Therefore, it's vital to support your nervous system. And I know I'm always going on about this, but the strength of our nervous system creeps into so many symptoms going through menopause. The more we can do to support it, the better.
So, you can look at things like magnesium - this is very important for the nervous system. You can top up magnesium with our Menopause Support.
Take time to relax. Remember, it's very important to get "me time." You need to look after yourself, so do get that "me time".
You can also take a herbal relaxation spray around with you. That's something that you can use if you feel a bit anxious, for instance, if you've got a huffy person behind you in the supermarket. So, we have our Passiflora Complex Spray, with Passionflower and Lemon Balm. You just carry it around in your bag and use it when you feel that you need a little bit of something extra to help you relax.
Do deep breathing. So many people tell me that it really helps to get you back in control of your own emotions, even if someone is sounding off all around you as well.
Also, try to recognise who's doing this to you. Is it somebody that needs to be in your life? And I know, quite a lot of women tell me that they actually give up friends and walk away from friends who are really stressing them and demanding too much of them. So, if you're aware of the person who's creating this stress in you, you can be more prepared. If there's someone at work, then you can do the deep breathing. You can take the Passionflower spray. You can do lots of things to protect yourself so that other person's negativity and stress doesn't impact on you as much.
But also accept that the other person might be having a hard time. We're all too quick to jump into defensive mode. I do it myself if someone's annoying me. And you automatically go into that defensive mode without thinking, "Well, maybe they're having a really hard day; maybe something's happened in their life and they're reacting to that." So, if you feel strong enough, why not just ask them, "Do you need a little talk? Are you okay? Do you need help with anything?" And sometimes, that kind of breaks this to-ing and fro-ing of energy and angst that's going on.
But the important thing here is, don't sacrifice yourself for the other person. That's really important. Be compassionate, but make sure that you still put yourself first and protect yourself first of all, because that can go a long way to helping you to cope better.
So, hopefully, this one has been of help to you. It wasn't until I actually started looking into it that I suddenly realised just how many people in your life can impact your mood. So, this is a good one to actually take maybe half an hour one day when you've got a little bit of peace and quiet and just look at all the people in your life who may be impacting your mood. It's actually quite staggering.
Although I must say, I am very lucky that this does not happen to me at work. For me, it tends to be more the huffing and puffing person in the queue behind me at the supermarket. But it's a really good exercise to do, just to help you to cope that little bit better with everything that's going on in our lives today.
If any of you have any tips or hints about these, anything that's really helped you to deal with people that maybe have been stressing you too much, please share it. We'd love to hear all your stories. And until next week, thank you and take care.
You may also find these topics helpful:
Signs your nervous system is struggling & how to support it better during menopause
