Are you second-guessing yourself now? Are you finding that you just can't make any decision? Are you worried about the worst-case scenario when everything can go wrong, and imagining everything that could go wrong?
In this article, I look at the common symptoms of this phenomenon, what can cause it, and how you can help yourself.
So, we all go through phases of being a little bit indecisive and worrying about things. But in perimenopause and menopause, this can go to the extreme, so we can be completely caught up in our thoughts. We can overthink, which can make anxiety worse.
I had someone contact me not long ago who was in this exact situation, and she was getting so anxious because this wasn't her normal self. She said that she also felt like she's got an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and they were constantly at each other. So, I thought this would make a really good topic to look into.
Signs of overthinking & irrational thoughts
Firstly, let’s take a look at some of the signs of overthinking and irrational thoughts, to help you identify if this is something you are experiencing too:
- It's about thinking too much about something. It's not just a passing thought about things that are going on, but you're dwelling on things.
- You're going over and over the same scenario or the same situation. You're thinking about the same things. These thoughts are taking over everything else.
- It can also be dwelling on things a lot and second-guessing yourself.
- It can be that you are unable to make a decision. Maybe you were always able to decide what you were going to do, and you followed it through; but now, you find that you can't make a decision. You're worrying about this and that and what's going to happen. And so, the action part of it never actually comes to pass - you're dithering. Up here in Scotland, we say, "You dither a lot when you can't make up your mind what to do with anything."
- It can be constant worry and anxiety about things. And again, these thoughts can take over and you end up focusing so much on these that you can't get on with your daily life.
- It can be the fact that you can't relax at all. You can't just unwind even when work is finished. If you're trying to watch TV, or read, these intrusive thoughts are just coming to the fore. And eventually, these can affect your sleep. You can find that you can't sleep because these thoughts are going round and round in your head.
- It can be lots of worst-case scenarios. Everything that goes on, you think, "What if this happens? What if that happens?" And one of the problems with this symptom is that it very often focuses on our loved ones, so we imagine what happens if they die, or we worry about them when they're going out and doing their own things. And it can also be what's happening in the world in general. And we can all imagine the worst-case scenario, and that's going to have a huge impact on our daily life too.
- It can be about just having negative thoughts the whole time. We're just in this big negative hole where we can't see the good or the positive in anything. And we can't get out of this hole.
- It can also be about replaying past experiences. You know, you sort of look back and you go, "Oh, could I have done that differently? Should I have done this? What if I'd done that? Oh, if only I had done this." And again, that keeps us in the past and not actually focusing on how we can help ourselves in the present.
What causes overthinking and irrational thinking in perimenopause and menopause?
Everyone overthinks sometimes or has negative thought now and again, but when going through perimenopause and menopause some women can find that they become much more prone to this. It can also have a profound effect on other symptoms, including contributing to sleep problems, low mood, and fatigue.
So, what can cause this?
In perimenopause and menopause, it seems to be that falling levels of oestrogen affect an area of our brain which is called the limbic brain, which is the ancient part of our brain that focuses on survival. It also focuses on and facilitates memory storage and retrieval. And this is very often where thoughts come in and you think, "I haven't thought about that or that person for years. Why has this popped up now?" So that ability to store memory and keep the lid on it decreases, and all sorts of things from the past can crop up.
The limbic brain also helps to establish emotional states, and when that gets a little bit weaker, then a lot of subconscious information and emotions can suddenly break through and appear in the present as well. And also, the limbic brain is associated with our flight or fight mechanism. And for those of you that have been following my blogs for a while, you will know that I mention flight or fight a lot, because very often our nervous system gets stuck in the flight or fight mode, and that can have quite a profound effect on our emotion and also our physical state.
What you can do to help yourself?
There are a few things you can do to help yourself if you are in this situation. Here are a few things I recommend:
Journaling: I think one of the best things is to do journaling. When these thoughts get stuck in our brains and they go round and round and round, and we can't stop them, writing them down can be helpful.
A lot of people find before they go to bed, it's a nice thing to do, just to put down all the negative things that have been bothering you so you're letting them go. And then you end this by putting positive things, something nice that happened during the day, something positive that you can fall asleep to rather than all these negative thoughts.
Find a distraction: If you find that you've got a lot of free time and this is when things pop up, look at doing different things to distract yourself from these thoughts. Try reading, going for a walk, starting a new hobby, or anything that's going to help you focus on the here and now, instead of what was going on in the past.
Deep breathing: To help you relax, you could look at doing some structured, slow, deep breathing. I love this because once you get into the habit of it, you can fall into it really quickly. And it can help so many situations where there may be panicky feelings or negative thoughts going on.
So, here’s a really simple one. You just breathe in slowly for four, hold for one, breathe out for four, and hold for one. And maybe do it about 10 times. And that can just help to calm you down and bring you back into the present.
Tackle stress and anxiety: Stress and anxiety will make all these negative things worse. And as I said before, it keeps you in this big hole that you can't get out of. So, dealing with anxiety, stress, and poor sleep can be really helpful.
Look at trying to get 30 minutes of relaxation every day, such as meditation or yoga. For me, I find that just 20 minutes of yoga in the morning, 3 or 4 times a week, really helps to keep me much more stable.
Helpful herbs: You can look at herbs such as Avena sativa or the herb Passionflower, which is known to aid relaxation. The herb Passionflower is in our Passiflora Complex Spray. The great thing with the Spray is, it's something you can carry with you; so, if you need help relaxing, then a couple of sprays on the tongue can help you.
Talk to someone about your thoughts: It can get to the point where you are really going round and round in circles and you are not sure if what you are thinking is a rational thought or an irrational one, so someone else’s perspective could help.
Don't ask someone else who is anxious, otherwise you'll just build things up between you. But by getting someone else's perspective, they can maybe point out, "Look, to be honest, that's not happening." So, you may suddenly go, "Well, yeah, it's a molehill and not a mountain." Or you could say to yourself, "Yeah, this really is serious and I need to do something about this. Please, can you help me?"
And it can make such a lot of difference knowing you've got someone on your side, just to help you through this particular phase.
When do you need to see your doctor?
If the negative thoughts are happening on a daily basis or if they are affecting your daily life, if you find that you are getting depressed, if you don't want to get out of bed and face the day, then please consult your doctor.
And the other thing that can happen, and I mentioned this before about things coming from the past, if you've had a very traumatic childhood, if something really traumatic has happened that you have tried to suppress, then very often, because of everything that's going on, these thoughts and scenarios can come back and they can cause a huge amount of distress.
So, this is the point where you need to seek advice, maybe get counselling, or do things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help yourself get back in control. So, if this is really affecting you, please ask for help.
So, I hope you found this one helpful. It's something, I think, that happens to us all at some point during the perimenopause and menopause. I know it did with me.
For those of you out there, if you've had anything like this happen, what helped you? What sorts of things happened as well? Share them with us. We all love to read your stories.
And, until next time, take care.
You may also find these topics helpful:
Emotional Menopause Symptoms: Why they can worsen or come back
3 lesser-known emotional symptoms of menopause
Signs your nervous system is struggling & how to support it better during menopause
