Today's topic
Today I'm going to be discussing how to boost your self-image. Our poor self-image and self-confidence, very often, gets a real battering in the menopause, and it comes from all angles.
It's not just the fact that our hormones are starting to fall and that can give us a little bit of low mood and despondency, but there are lots of other things that can affect it as well. So, I thought today, we would look at some of the other causes and also just some little tips that might make you feel better at the end of the day.
The physical symptoms which impact your self-image
What physical symptoms that occur in the menopause can affect how we feel about ourselves?
Well, our skin starts to change. We can start to notice a few wrinkles, a little bit of sagging here and there, and our skin can get a lot drier. We just look different and that can have a real impact on how we feel about ourselves as well.
A number of women will suffer from hair loss and for many of us, our hair is so important. It’s our crowning glory. So, if our hair starts to get really thin or begins to fall out, again, this can have an absolutely huge and devastating impact on how we feel.
There's the weight gain, there's the bloating, there's the fact that we can't fit into all our nice clothes and we feel that we just look like a bit of a frump most of the time. There can also be flushes and sweats. If you're getting hot flushes or sweats and you're in company or you're at work, that's going to make you feel very, very self-conscious and it's going to make you feel very embarrassed as well.
The emotional symptoms which impact your self-image
The emotional symptoms that can occur because of these two, it can be low self-esteem, and as I've mentioned before, that loss of confidence.
And this is a big one, especially if you're at work and you're dealing with a lot of people on a daily basis. If you start to lose your confidence and your belief in yourself then that can have a huge impact on your work, how your work goes, and also how you deal with other people as well.
And I know a number of women have told me that they really end up being fearful about going to work purely because they can't face what's happening to them on a regular basis. There's neediness, too. We can get very needy during the menopause and that can have a big effect on our confidence.
A lot of women find while they were independent and they could get things done, suddenly, they just feel as if they can't even take a step outside the front door.
Mood swings can affect how we see ourselves as well. Fatigue is another problem as, if our motivation goes and we feel really tired all the time, then just the thought of looking after ourselves and anything to do with self-care just goes totally out of the window.
And there's also self-criticism, this is a huge one. We are so bad at being kind to ourselves and I'm just as guilty as everyone else. Just think about this: when you get up in the morning, that first time that you look in the mirror, what are you saying inside your head?
I bet most of you will say, "Oh, I criticise myself." You look in the mirror and you go, "Oh, who's that? It's someone taking me over." or "Oh, I can see another wrinkle. I look horrible. Don't I look awful? Look at my hair. Look at my belly. Oh, my goodness." So we have started the day off, severely criticising ourselves.
Now, if you were going to meet a friend for lunch or for a little drink, do you go up to your friend and say, "You look awful. That dress is terrible. Your bum looks big in that." or "Look at all your wrinkles. Your hair's a state." You wouldn't ever think about treating your friends the way that you are treating yourselves. Every single day we are criticising ourselves, how we look, and how we feel, and how we can't cope, and how we can't do this anymore, and that will really affect our confidence over time.
Poor self-image and libido
This is a really huge one here as a lot of women still want an active sex life. They want to be close to their partner, but if their libido goes out the window, their self-confidence is going to go. They're going to feel very guilty.
If you compound that with weight gain and losing confidence in your own body, it’s not really surprising that a lot of women tell me now that they just can't face their partners seeing them naked anymore.
This is going to have a big impact on your sex life as well. So, you can see already that just this little bit about losing our own self-confidence and our self-identity can have a huge impact on all different areas of our day-to-day life.
My top tips to help you boost your self-image:
So what can you do with this one?
1. Focus on the positive
We've got to focus on the positives. This isn’t always easy, but I’d love you all to try what I call the ‘mirror method.’ I want you to try and say something positive in front of the mirror at some point every day. This can help you to be more aware of how you’re treating yourself.
If you do feel a negative thought coming up, either being critical of how you look or how you’re feeling, you can try to replace it with a positive one. Again, this can be difficult, but I try to do this just to make myself feel better. Let’s face it, if somebody gives you a compliment then that really boosts you up for quite a while.
I try to do it when I'm leaving the house. I have one last look in the mirror just to make sure I'm reasonably presentable and then I will leave the house on a positive note. It doesn't have to be much, you can even tell yourself a little fib, but you can just say, "I'm looking not too bad today. I'm looking fine today. I feel okay today." And that can be enough to give your self-esteem a lovely little boost just as you start your day.
2. Prioritise some “me-time”
You need to give yourself some "me" time. This is absolutely vital because we don't do this in the menopause. Very often, if I'm doing a little workshop, so I'm speaking face-to-face to someone, I will say to them, "Where are you on your list of priorities today?"
I have not met one woman who has ever said that they are on their list. So, this is an important one. We need to make sure that we are in our list of priorities every single day just to give ourselves that little bit of extra self-care.
3. Change it up
You can do some simple things like change your hairstyle or change your style of clothes.
I know something that gave me a really great boost (and you can try it to) was having a little colour party with my friends. This is where you get someone in to help you pick what your colours are. It basically just means that some colours suit you and some don't.
For example, I used to wear a lot of yellows, oranges, browns, fawns and creams, but then I learned that these colours are very draining for me. They don't make me look good. So, you learn what colours you look best in. It makes shopping for clothes so much easier because you just focus on those colours. Also, knowing that you're wearing something that suits you, again, is going to give you that little bit of a boost!
4. Try a new skin care regime
Look at your skin care regime. Yes, our skin does change as we go through the menopause and it's something that at the end of the day, we do have to accept. This means it’s possible you might find that the skin care regime that you've had for a long time isn't actually the best one now for your skin.
You could try going to some of the big department stores and maybe getting a little facial or treatment so you can learn about new creams and cleansers. It might also be a good idea to change your makeup too, as this can make a big difference! I know for a lot of women, your skin needs a lot more moisturising and feeding, so maybe look at some of the more natural creams and skin preparations as well.
5. Try a new hobby or exercise class
You could try a new hobby. If there's a small group of you, try something new. Try a nice exercise class. What I love to see now is that there are quite a lot of women's only gyms springing up. So, even if you feel that you've put on a little bit of weight and you're feeling a little bit self-conscious, you're at least not having to do your exercises in front of a lot of men as well.
And for some women, it's a comfort knowing that you're just going to be in among other women, rather than kind of mixed groups.
6. Remember that men aren’t immune to the aging process!
If you've got a male partner and you're roughly about the same age, then just remember that they're going to be going through the aging process as well and that they're often not immune to what's happening to their bodies either.
It's not just us. Men, very often, will start to go bald in middle age. They'll start to get that middle age spread. They will start to get hair springing up in all sorts of different places. So, you know, just remember, it's not just you. It could be your partner that this is affecting as well, and sometimes, that can make you feel that little bit better.
7. Eat well to support your mood and menopause
Think about your diet. Are you feeding yourself nutritionally well? Because, if you're feeling down, or a bit low, sometimes just boosting your diet can help. Vitamin B complex and magnesium are worth mentioning here. Magnesium is your happy mineral, so remember, loads of magnesium can make you feel better about yourself as well.
8. Get your beauty sleep
Remember, sleep! If we are really tired or if we haven't slept well, then our mood's going to be low the minute we wake up in the morning as well, so it's important to get a proper sleeping pattern. It's difficult in the menopause, we know, because of falling oestrogen and night sweats going on, too. So a lot of things can interrupt your sleep, but that will have a knock-on effect on how you feel.
9. A little confidence booster
You can also look at the flower essences. These are lovely for the emotional issues. We have got Confidence Essence, so if you feel that you need to give your confidence and your belief in yourself a little bit of a boost, you could try that one. And for anything to do with being a woman, we've got our lovely Female Essence as well.
My top tip: |
A lovely little saying to remember
Now, while I was looking into this particular subject, I found a lovely little quote and here it is, "Don't stop looking after yourself at the exact time in your life that you need to care for yourself the most."
So this is really important. It's a lovely little saying.
Try and get that one in your head. And I know the first time I read it, I actually felt quite emotional. I thought, "Wow, you know, it's so important, this self-care."
Hopefully, you've enjoyed this one. Slightly different to a lot of the physical symptoms we get, but nonetheless, this is just as important. Do let me know how you get on with the mirror and see if you can be a little bit more positive if you've been feeling down lately.
And until then, I will see you next week for another edition of A.Vogel Talks Menopause.
